Psalm 37:4

I was born in Hawaii. Parents never married. Moved to Michigan with Mom and my little brother, Jesse, when I was 4. Having done this, we left my dad, and my other little brother, Justin, behind - then my dad having a daughter, Destiny, a couple years later.

I visited them when I was 10. I remember it was meant to be a surprise that my dad, Justin, and Destiny were meeting us at the airport, but since I hadn’t seen them in 6 years I didn’t have a clue who they were. In fact it took maybe 10 minutes of conversation for me to realize who they were. But the remaining 2 weeks I spent with them was so valuable to me.

Second visit - I’m now 15 and almost another 6 years I haven’t seen them. It was pretty much like having to get to know them all over again.

Here I am now at age 22, 7 and half years since I’ve seen them, and for the past few months this fact has been eating away at me so hard. There is some level of pain that I never knew about. I’ve never had a greater desire to go see them before.

It shouldn’t have happened like this. I’ve hung out with my brother and sister twice in our lifetime. My baby sister that I remember is now in high school. My little brother is almost 21. And I so badly wish we could have grown up as kids together.

What would happen if I were to go to Hawaii this summer and see them? I don’t know them. They don’t know me. It’s almost like we would have to start over again like last time. I don’t have a clue what it would be like. I don’t even know if it could happen considering finances. But this is the number #1 desire I have at the moment. This is #1 in prayer. I need to see them. I need to! There is nothing I want more right now. I’ve had countless dreams of me going to Hawaii to see them, and the nightmare was waking up.

I believe there will be a LOT of healing will take place in my life when it does happen. I can’t exactly put my finger on the why. But there is so much I’ve yet to figure out about my life.

Right now, I’m believing God will give me the desires of my heart like He says He will (Psalm 37:4).